it all starts before we even know we are pregnant. i feel nauseous, or do i? could i be pregnant? are those two pink lines, or am i just seeing things?
and then pregnancy is a 9 month guessing game all in itself. will she look like me? will he be healthy? will i be able to nurse? will i ever get my pre-pregnancy body back? (answer:no)
the sad truth is that as long as we have kids, we will always be guessing. i'm glad i'm realizing this so early on in the game, or else i might feel pretty discouraged (and at times, i really, really do).
another thing i've learned is that just because your kid walked at 10 months and was speaking in sentences by 18 months, doesn't mean mine should be. that's a hard one to be okay with. we constantly compare ourselves and our kids to others. makena didn't walk until she was almost 17 months and she still only knows about 50 words. i'm not worried. when i look back at these developmental phases, i'll laugh at myself for ever wondering if she was behind. especially now that i have number two on the way. he very well could be running by his first birthday but not sleeping through the night until he's 18 months and i'll have to realize that too, is okay. (please Lord let him sleep through the night MUCH earlier).
i've found myself "wishing away" phases of makena's babyhood, but i'm really trying not to do that. i don't ever want to be back in the phase where her reflux was full blown and she was screaming 12 hours a day, but i realize now how little time i had with her as an infant. i look at her now as she's sleeping in her big girl bed, and i get sad that she's never going to be a baby again. and i feel guilt that i couldn't enjoy some of those times more. don't get me wrong, i loved it, but i just wish i could stress and worry less. she's gonna be okay. the fact that we are so worried about how we are as parents says something doesn't it?
its just like when she wakes up crying for some reason. it's so out of character, so the guessing begins. is she sick? is she teething? is she having night terrors? is she hungry? constipated? gassy?
i don't really know the point of this post, i guess this one is more for myself. i need to remind myself daily to relax. let go and let God. enjoy every milestone, every phase. they grow up too fast.
[someone call me and remind me of these words in about 4 hours when i'm trying to get makena to sleep in her bed all by myself...]
:)
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