A Year Ago Today...

It amazes me how a year can both drag on and on but also fly by at the exact same time.  That's what this last year has been for me.  On June 14th, 2011 I was standing on a chair, holding up a pregnancy test against the light bulb and swearing my eyes were playing tricks on me.  Any "normal" person would have viewed the test as negative, but i was convinced i saw the faintest line.  I was right! Every day after that the line just got darker and darker and....

Here we are, a year later.  My 4 month old baby is fast asleep in her swing and I am constantly shocked at how quickly she is growing.  I can honestly say this has been the hardest year of my life.  Between living in a new place, feeling pretty lonely and isolated, learning how to adjust to Jon's new job, being (very) pregnant, figuring out how to deal with a difficult newborn/infant, coping with a lot of my own personal struggles and maintaining my sanity (somewhat), I can say its been quite a year. 

There's nothing that I want more than to be in San Diego, near my friends and family and have Jon continue working at Intuitive, but right now its just not in the cards.  I constantly find myself questioning God and wondering why we are here in Georgia, but I have complete faith that he has a plan for us.  I pray every single day that that plan includes us moving back home, and soon, but only He knows if that will happen. 

When it comes to being a mom, I also constantly question whether or not I'm doing a "good enough" job.  I know I'm doing the best I can, but holy cow this is the hardest job in the world.  I love my sweet baby in a way that I never imagined possible, and i just want whats best for her.  Watching her big gummy smile when she sees me and seeing her giggle at her Daddy makes everything worth it.  Every day it gets a LITTLE bit easier and I am truly blessed to have such a happy and healthy baby girl. 

Though this year has been a roller coaster, I wouldn't change it for anything.  If we weren't here, we wouldn't have gotten pregnant when we did.  And if we didn't get pregnant, Makena Rylie wouldn't be here.  My family is my world and she brings such joy to us.  Thank you Lord for bringing her to us.  I love you my sweet girl.