9 pm rolled around and we had just given Makena a bath, snuggled her up in her pj's, and given her her big bottle for the night. All was going according to plan. After she ate, she started dozing. In the short time she's been around, we've learned that once shes asleep, she stays asleep. Tonight, however, she wasn't asleep for more than a few minutes when she woke up screaming. We raced to go get her and tried to console her, but no luck. She kept arching her little back and crying. We aren't talking the whiny, tired cry. This was the ouch, i'm in serious pain cry. It was clear that her reflux was full throttle and she kept choking on her swallowed milk, which I'm sure burned her throat. Her face would turn bright red and she would choke and gasp for air. It was terrifying.
This continued for hours. We did everything to try and make her comfortable. Rocked her, bounced her on the exercise ball (her drug, ALWAYS works), held her upright, etc. Nothing was working. She would finally get so exhausted that she could fall asleep in Jon's arms, but then would wake up screaming 10-20 minutes later. By midnight we figured she was probably hungry again, and every time we would try and feed her, she would try and eat but would be forced to stop after a few minutes because of the reflux. It broke my heart. Both of our hearts.
This is one of those times where the devil weaves right in and tries to break you down. We were so defeated and emotionally and physically drained that Jon and I started to turn on each other. We promised to always be a team and never let a baby hurt our marriage before she got here, but in this moment we broke the rules. Looking back, I see God so clearly in this situation. As Christians, we are to love our husband first and our children second. This way, your kids grow up seeing a solid, loving marriage and you two can be an example of what marriage is intended to be. If Makena would have calmed down and gone to sleep at this point, Jon and I would have gone to bed angry with each other.
Well, she didn't go to sleep. She kept crying, gasping, choking and hurting. By 3am I broke down. I don't do well on no sleep, and after 6 hours of hearing her cry I couldn't take it anymore. I literally fell on my knees bawling and begging God for help. Isn't it funny how we seek Him in the tough moments?
By this time, Jon and I got over our frustrations and came back together as a team. We realized this may be more serious than we think so we called the doctor. We explained the situation and because of her gasping and choking, the on-call doctor said we might want to head to the ER. We packed the bag but decided to wait just a little longer. Her breathing calmed down so we decided to stay awake and just watch her for a while. She FINALLY fell into a deep sleep and seemed fully relaxed and pain-free.
I slept on one couch, Jon on the other. We both slept with one eye and ear open while Makena was right in between us in her bassinet. She slept until 9am, ate, and went back to bed until noon. She clearly was feeling a million times better and we were thankful we all survived this horrible episode.
The point of this story isn't that Makena has reflux. The point is that God taught Jon and I a huge lesson. We need to stick together as a team, as a married couple, and as parents. If she didn't experience this episode, we would have gone to bed angry. Something we aren't okay doing.
All day Saturday my anxiety was out of control. Even though Makena was fine, I dreaded the night time in fear of history repeating itself. I prayed all day that God would know how much I can handle and begged for our daughter to sleep. Bedtime consisted of Jon and I singing her Christian songs as she fell asleep, praying for our family and reading devotionals together. In these quiet times as a couple, my anxiety vanished. I realized that I need to Let Go and Let God. I try to control everything and I've finally realized I can't do that. I rely fully on Him and am learning that "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength".
Guess what? Makena slept from 10pm-6am, ate, and fell back asleep until 10am. We all woke up feeling refreshed, physically and spiritually. Jon and I watched our church service online and have been enjoying the rest of the day since. I'm so glad that God is using my daughter to draw me closer to Him. Being a mom is the most amazing thing I've ever experienced, but its also the hardest. Again I feel so blessed to have Jon as my team mate. I couldn't do it without him. And we couldn't do it without HIM.
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| Baby girl Sunday morning after a full, painless night :) |
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