after having makena and going through a really hard time with colic, acid reflux, milk protein allergies and breastfeeding struggles.....not to mention the fact that she was my first baby.....i started experiencing pretty constant feelings of overwhelming nervousness and worry. for a while i just figured that this is what happens after you have kids. its a whole new world and takes some time to adjust to it and figure it out. i've always naturally been a worrier so these feelings weren't necessarily new, they were just getting stronger and stronger and started to effect my every day. even when things started calming down and becoming easier, my anxiety remained. i started feeling pretty alone in this struggle because anxiety is something jon absolutely did not understand. if you know him, you know that he is the most optimistic, positive person in the world. i'm so thankful he is this way because he balances me, but it made it very difficult to feel understood as my anxiety increased.
i finally came to terms with what was happening so i decided to see a doctor about it. he started me off on a very small dose of zoloft just to see how it worked. after a few weeks it started to "take the edge off" but it was only barely helping. i went back to the doctor and he upped my dosage. i found that 50mg worked for me. i stayed on zoloft all the way up until we decided to start trying for baby #2. the meds definitely did help with my anxiety but unfortunately there were side effects that came with them. that sucked. and then when i had to wean off before trying to get pregnant, that REALLY sucked. i did it slowly (over the course of a month) but still, it was not a fun process. i was getting constant dizzy spells that literally lasted all day. from the time i woke up to the time i went to bed. eventually all of the meds were out of my system and things were fine.
we got pregnant super fast. i actually had my second miscarriage (very early) but was able to get pregnant quickly after that. with my diastasis recti (that's a whole different post, different day) and giant babies, this pregnancy was miserable. not good for the anxiety. it made for a very long 9 months (just ask jon).
i knew i needed to be back on zoloft immediately after elias was born. i chose it with makena because its safe while nursing so i had my doctor start me on it the day i gave birth lol. he put me back on 50mg and after a few weeks i felt like it was helping a little but not like it used to. we increased my dosage to 75mg (ugh). it's weird, when i was adding those extra 25mg to my daily pills it was a very difficult transition. for a good 2-3 weeks my anxiety did not get better, it got much, much worse. i even called because i was fearful something was wrong. racing heart, panic attacks, etc. i decided to push through it and after a few more weeks it finally balanced out a bit.
but this christmas, one of my best friends sooz told me about peace and calming EO (i mentioned this story in my original oil post). after trying it and falling in love, i was determined to try and wean off of my anxiety meds. i knew it would take time and i wasn't about to start until i knew i was gonna be all in with the idea. i waited until i was able to try some other anxiety oils and learn more.
well i'm so proud and excited to say that i'm completely medication-free! i started weaning about 2 months ago and did it VERY slowly. i've figured out which oils work well for me. i still have moments of anxiety but i know which oils to reach for. no side effects, no chemicals. its important that i start my day by applying my blends and then i can maintain throughout the day when need be.
everyone's body chemistry is different so i'm not gonna sit here and tell you these WILL absolutely work for you. but i've figured out what works for me. there are some that work better than others.
here's my daily anti-anxiety oil regimen:
-at some point in the morning i apply my "liquid xanax" to my wrists or over my heart. this blend is made up of lavender, stress away, vetiver, valor and patchouli
-about halfway through the day i apply a drop or two of white angelica behind my ears or on my wrists
-during anxious moments i will roll some stress away, valor or peace & calming over my heart
i use different combinations of these oils (plus a few others) in my diffuser at night too to help me relax and fall asleep.
i wanna make it clear that i'm aware this wean is still pretty new. and even though i 100% believe in these oils, i would never let my pride stand in the way of admitting that the oils weren't cutting it. if i need to go back on medication i will absolutely do so. i need to be the best mom and wife i can be before i'm an oil lover. but for the time being i'm just so glad to have found a natural solution.
i share these personal stories because i know that i'm not alone. i don't mind putting it all out there because if someone who is going through the same thing needs support or to not feel alone, i'm here. i get it. xoxo
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